I dunno, my baser instincts suggest I make jokes about how National Buy Nothing Day will be pretty easy for so many more Americans this year, but that is so wrong. It’s not nice. I like buying stuff and so do you! May we all take advantage of deep discounts on melamine-free items. I was [...]
I woke up on election day wide awake, thinking “I get to vote!” Normally I laze about as long as possible, cramming a pillow over my head to drown out the little creatures and their pesky whining for food. Learn to work a can opener. Bootstraps and all. But damn, do I love voting. All [...]
Abba gabba gabba. Eeeba deeedle dabba. Well, we ranted, we donated, we nagged, we discovered Morrissey song titles apply to any electoral situation, and we even knew the name of the Prime Minister of Canada. I don’t know what’s left, besides setting a trash can on fire and tipping a car. I am in shock. [...]
I was practicing folksy cussing in case I need it (Shitwickets! Twattarnit! Bullfumbles! There is an elbow gesture that goes with these.). But I am cautiously optimistic that I won’t really need to deploy this. Fox News is going out on a limb and calling Ohio for McCain, despite everyone else, um, not. ABC just [...]
We break from chewing on our nails for a “man on the street” interview with our own Lambchop. “You got a donut??? Damn, I would have liked one of those! I would have voted for sanctity of life or marriage or fetal minimum wage for an old fashioned.” Here she is, enjoying a free cone. [...]
I know you all tuned in to see just what Morrissey thinks of these elections. Well, our crack team has uncovered rare footage. In the next frame (not pictured), he walked offstage with Bill Ayers, Tony Rezko, and Dick Cheney and hatched a plot to dispatch Joe Biden swiftly. Good luck with that. Our Joe [...]
Oh, uh uh, oh no we di’n’t. It’s time for Vomitola election coverage! You may recall that election day 2004 started off seemingly humdrum and ended with a vicious clash between the Morrisseys and Adam and the Ants (start reading from the bottom up. we can’t have nice things). We hit some dead air later [...]
Yeah, blah blah blah, everyone should vote. Important, historic, your voice, bleebity blee. However, if you are undecided a day before the election, just stay home! What are the odds that you can turn the door knob successfully, anyway? Do not get all eenie meanie on us. Please use your political voice for something besides [...]
After much prayer and consideration (used a cootie catcher), I realize that now is the time to speak up for principle, for the one man who can oppose the lunatic New World Order. For that reason, I encourage you all to write in Ron Paul tomorrow. Oh, I kill me. Go on, Google “lunatic New [...]
