I am feeling so left out of the recent Bimbo Summit! Two nights ago, I had a dream that I was back in highschool with Lindsay Lohan. I bought her beer with my fake ID, and that’s how all the trouble started. I woke up knowing the subsequent downward spiral of la Lohan was all [...]
A ybab was a sad monster last night because Mr. H was gone on business. I can only assume his business involved Scotch. If I find out it involved a trip to Scores, I will say “You better expense that!” I am such a nagging wife. After I put a ybab to bed for the [...]
Today I took Potassium Challenge. To do this, put three bananas in a blender. Dump in almond milk and enough cocoa powder to turn things brown. You can add almond butter if you are feeling totally insane. If you are only feeling moderately insane, add peanut butter. Mmmm, allergenic. I like to serve in a [...]
A ybab recently decided to install teeth in her mouth. This feat of dental rennovation is apparently painful and time-consuming, the kind of thing you should really consider offshoring. One tooth is now “in,” which means she looks like a hillbilly who broke one off in a bar fight. She is flailing on the floor [...]
Now there comes a time when one finds a leaflet for a new Chinese restaurant in one’s lobby, and one decides to carpe some diem and take a chance on life. One is too lazy to cook celebrating Mr. H’s last day at his old job. One places a call and ends up performing a [...]
Tonight I took a ybab to the condo association meeting because I had to vote for people to be head busybody and Lord High Protector of the Visitor Parking Spot. A ybab behaved most delightfully, better than many of the adults present. Seen but not heard is a welcome prescription for most of society. OK, [...]
Mr. H is threatening to grow a beard. I believe he tried this in 2004, and hilarity ensued. My Zellweger set the microwave on fire with a Chinese food container. That bitch! I think I’m going to have her return the dry cleaning hangers as punishment. Share:
I just tested a ybab’s fault tolerance with 30 seconds of Gwen Stefani, courtesy of iTunes. She reacted with the same face she makes when she acccidentally bites herself. Share:
Hep me, Uncle Wiggily! A ybab has been replaced with a Tasmanian Devil. Only between the hours of 11pm and 5am. Ryan wants to give her Benadryl, but I am not totally up for drugging children recreationally. She’ll pick up that slack when she’s a teenager. Why, a somewhat feathered duck did tell me a [...]
I’m getting new business cards made up. In my mind, I am smart and capable and earn a fabulous living while balancing the needs of my family. My mind is a liar. Actually, I am behind on everything to the point where no one will ever call me again, not wearing pants (which meant I [...]
