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Vomitola
You're the Mary
Monthly Archives: November 2006
Nov 21
We don’t need no stinkin’ naps
Today I went to the grocery store to wrestle for the last can of cranberry sauce. I had to hurt a bitch. A ybab (I am sick of all those ybab ads) bit a bitch. OK, she bit me. She bit her dog? I didn’t even buy cranberry sauce; it was just fun to play [...]
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Nov 20
I’ve got your advice right here! Hot, steaming advice!
Dear Vomitola, how do I get bloodstains out of my carpet? Signed, Newly Single Dear NS, It is really tacky that you have a bloody carpet. Consider bamboo flooring. -V Dear Vomitola, don’t you have anything better to do? Signed, Your Conscience Dear YC, actually, there are sixteen thousand things I’m supposed to be doing. [...]
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Nov 18
Will you plural marry me?
It has come to my attention that Mr. H needs a second wife. He doesn’t know it yet, but I think that’s just the ticket. Other wife could watch a baby and do all the shopping and the cleaning. Other wife would pay the bills online and remember to buy and send cards for all [...]
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Nov 15
Everywhere you look
Suddenly I find myself doing time in Conjunctivitis Junction. Or maybe there’s a rare flesh-eating bacteria gnawing on my optic nerve, waiting to get into my brain. I couldn’t really say. All I know is that my eye hurts like a mofo, and it’s spewing stuff. I am waiting for the “primary care physician” to [...]
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Nov 13
Of all the gin joints in all the tubes in all the internets
I’ve had a Gmail address for a long time now, since I am Early McAdopterson. I was able to get my first name, just for the hell of it. Great, right? I don’t even use it except for nefarious schemes and my Google Analytics account since I have plenty of other email addresses to wrangle. [...]
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Nov 12
A post about nothing*
[Recently, at the Ministry of Silly Hats] I have Sunday evening quick-onset dysthymia. Shut up, it’s in the DSM-IV. Symptoms include having snippets of that “Always on Sunday” song that was used in an HBO promo severeal years ago stuck in one’s head. Ooooon Sunday. Ooooon Sunday, the prospect of a week alone all day [...]
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Nov 11
You must not know about me
I heard a disturbing song on the radio the other day wherein Beyonce throws a dude’s stuff out. That’s fine. I’m all for throwing a dude’s stuff out. He was probably an insolent whelp. Beyonce doesn’t have time for trifling. Then she tells the dude that “I could have another you in a minute,” cautioning [...]
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Nov 10
Where’s Waldo?
Today there are lots of new photos over at Mr. H’s photo blog. He actually let me touch the camera for a change. Think of it as a really vague, blurry tour of our loft! Here we have the bedroom. The dining room. OK, this one is the local smoothie hut. I don’t stack anything [...]
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Nov 08
Hail to the cheese sandwich
How about all that politics and that guy who did that thing? Remember when I cared? The last election cycle sent me onto heavy antidepressants. Although I don’t take those anymore, I am still pleasantly dumb thanks to related short term memory loss and the brainfog that comes from all things to do with a [...]
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