Fucktoberfest

My October surprise? Something in the living room smells funny, and I can’t find the source. Dead animal? Spot of vomit? We may never know.

In other surprises, a baby has learned to drink out of a sippy cup*. She will attain four months of age on Monday. Now she reaches for my cup while sitting in my lap. Does this mean I have to stop drinking? What next, no more blowing lines off the unbreakable mirror in her play gym?

This whole post was just so I could use the subject line. It came to me on my ten millionth walk with a baby today. Yes, really, ten millionth. Balloons did not drop out of the sky, and I did not get a year’s worth of free groceries. I almost got run over by a Puerto Rican kid on a mini bike. Yes, he was Puerto Rican. I’m not just being an assumption racist. The giant flag on his shirt tipped me off. It was sort of like getting mowed down by Ralph the mouse, proportion-wise. Anyway, so I walked for the ten millionth time. Then I gave up on walking and stood by the railing at the edge of the river and bounced up and down so a baby would stay asleep in the wrap. Bounce bounce bounce.

*She gets mommy milk in her cup, not Dr. Pepper, so shut it, would-be drive-by-ers. No Dr. Pepper until five months.

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