A baby just survived two days of being awakened at untimely points by her grandmother. Her grandmother agrees that a baby is “high needs,” which I could have fucking told you. Each day is like juggling several rabid badgers and running chainsaws, although a baby allowed us to eat dinner the other night because she [...]
Content Challenge, I hardly knew ye. Today is the fourth time I’ve turned twenty-five. It was OK. I had a burrito! But then I noticed the otherwise fine establishment spelled it “Talapia.” Did you mean tilapia? Google says I am right, and that’s what you meant. I knew I was right. Duh. On principle, I [...]
Oh hi, Content Challenge! Hi! You look so pretty! Is that your prettiest outfit? I think it is. Let’s have an adventure, shall we? I mentioned I’d gone back to a therapist after a baby was born, but that’s not the full story. I went all of four times. The first two times, I wept [...]
Ah, it’s that special time of the day when a baby slumbers. She slumbers her ass off while draped in my lap. Anything else yields an unpleasant talk about Feelings. I am working on developing the power of my mind to mix myself a drink and float it on over here. No luck yet. We [...]
Yesterday I got a call from someone at my health insurance company (“the home of the whopper deductible”). She pussyfooted around describing how their team of nurses helps manage chronic conditions without saying which one, but would I be interested in participating? Hmm, are they talking about my combination skin? My distaste for people who [...]
I am a failure as a human being. I did not write a post yesterday. I started one, and it got erased. Nor did I vote in the Democratic primary today. The terrorists are winning! I should be more politically active than ever, what with having to hand this shitbucket of an earth over to [...]
A baby celebrated three months of excreting yesterday! Guess how she celebrated that. Just go on and guess. Keeping her alive all that time was approximately ten trillion times harder than keeping Sea Monkeys alive, and that’s hard anyway. She’ll never learn to read because we can’t afford reading now. Mr. H toted up what [...]
Yesterday was Mr. H’s birthday. He is now Old. How sad for him! To celebrate, we tried sneaking away for dinner after a baby was asleep. Of course a baby opted to wake up and vomit all over his sister. Still, that was the best glass of wine and speed-eaten entree I’ve had in months. [...]
What’s that jazz about the frog who is content to sit in heating water until he boils to death? Yeah. I have a case of that too. Share:
Man, why you gotta go sit on a desk? It’s so…FOX affiliate! Who does a damn thing like that? I can see Anderson Cooper trying it, but would Peter Jennings have done this? I don’t want to see anyone’s knees while they tell me how many people died that day. I do not like news [...]
