I live in my house again. This is enjoyable. The parasite wants out. I have mixed feelings on this topic. The cat still needs shaving. She has very well-articulated feelings on this topic, which is why it’s not done yet. Share:
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Vomitola
You're the Mary
Monthly Archives: May 2006
May 25
Baby I’m your one and only
Even though someone warned me that a killer tsunami (as opposed to a friendly, helpful tsunami) is supposed to cripple any land mass touching the Atlantic today, I still managed to get a pedicure. I chose a shade called “Tacky Whore.” Ethicist, will this color make my parasite retarded? I know talking to the pedicure [...]
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May 24
Zero tolerance
Our own problems are always the worst, right? I am an angry wolverine, ready to bite the next person who says they’ve had a hard day when what they really mean is “They were out of toasted coconut iced coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts.” Whatever. At least I can poo, even with a parasite attempting to [...]
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May 22
Homigod
Housing situation still non-pleasurable. Living in hotel for another few weeks or so. Back story complicated and irritating. Short version: flood, munged up utilities, possible negligence on part of builder, city, who knows. Parasite due to arrive: whenever she wants, at this point. But but but but….I do not have this Disgusting and Terrifying Skin [...]
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May 18
It’s No Good, reports Depeche Mode
I am still not allowed to live in my house. This displeases me. Yesterday I was debating weeping or going to the post office, and my sister helpfully suggested that I go to the post office and weep there. This turned out to be just the ticket. Thanks, ethicist! Everyone else was already weeping, even [...]
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May 16
Landshark
Today I saw a beaver and some snakes. And a capsized boat. And people who labor under the illusion that one may successfully drive a car in deep water. Our private island looks better. You can see the tops of the tires of the Honda Element left in the parking lot now. The mechanical room [...]
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May 15
Checks and balances
Minus: The local water supply has been contaminated. The grocery store is out of bottled water. Plus: But there’s plenty of Perrier! Minus: Mr. H and the cat and I are exiled. Some of our stuff is in our cars. Some of it, such as the couch, is on top of the kitchen table back [...]
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May 12
Would you rather
A) Sort through three boxes of wires and cables that you’ve dragged along on the past two moves because Mr. H thinks they might be important B) Deal with a client who says “Lighten this image,” and then turns around and says “No, I want it back the exact same way it was before.” C) [...]
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May 10
Pizza not delivered: no shit
It’s been an interesting few months living on an imaginary street. We park the car in a worm hole. No, really. The three-legged dog peed on my tire the other day. Our street is a new, invented street which is basically a long driveway. The city refuses to put up a street sign even though [...]
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May 08
A flashlight, a map, and a trusted Indian guide
The parasite has decided to turn sideways again. This means I am supposed to hang upside down like a bat to encourage her to do the same. Seems contradictory to gravity, but so far it’s shoved her “this end up” a few times. She likes to torment by hanging out in the perfect position for [...]
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