Forgive me, for I ate up all the oranges in the crisper drawer. I think you were saving them. Oh, no, wait, you are too lazy to peel an orange on your own. You wait for me to peel them and feed you slices. Damn. That’s OK. I like to peel them animal style, with [...]
Consider your options I can say nothing intelligent about port security, abortion rights (Roe support petition), religious riots, torture, or just about any other thing. I have a headache, and there is an error retrieving XML called “undefined.” And another idiot can’t clear her cache. That’s not a euphemism for constipation. Someone genuinely refuses to [...]
South Dakota one step closer to banning abortion unless “a woman’s life is in danger.” Clearly, we all have different definitions of danger. Share:
Today, a cat got the feline equivalent of a Brazilian bikini wax. Instant publishing sure is changing the world. Share:
Compromise is the stuff of which marriages are made, so we’ve agreed to settle for the Stokke Xplory. At only $749, we’re talking less than the per capita GDP of Afghanistan! This is a steal. And baby can ride up high, the better to witness the pain of the world, judging from that first photo, [...]
Financial planning has always been a topic near and dear to my heart. It involves less hallucinogens and guilt these days, but I’m still the one who knows where all the bank accounts are, and more importantly, how to extract money from them. My darling Mr. H says “Dee buh dee buh dee?” and gets [...]
I accidentally shot the building super when I was trying to flush the rats out of the trash room with my shotgun. I think he’ll pull through. He shook his fist at me out of the back of the departing ambulance. Feisty li’l guy. He reminds me of a svelte Wilfred Brimley. The whole debacle [...]
I woke myself up this morning by laughing at my own joke in a dream. Ha! Haha! It was so funny that the parasite got the hiccups. I’m doing my taxes, er, filling out the worksheet from the accountant. Did I start a farm last year? Please refresh my memory. I probably should have. This [...]
I hear we have a killer storm heading this way. That’s fine, being snowed in will give me more time to chew a hole in the wall to create an additional phone jack in the right spot for the fax machine. Some would say “Put the fax machine near an existing phone jack,” and others [...]
I got righteously indignant about the state of modern feminism the other day after reading all the Betty Friedan obits, but then I had a nice bowl of strawberry ice cream and forgot all about it. I think I was also just mad because I dropped my bagel earlier. Lately, many of my problems relate [...]
