Someone is a Big Girl all of a sudden. No, not me. I remain incompetent. Two nights ago, we thought we would add a second book to bedtime since we got a few for Festivus. A ybab pitched an unholy fit, so we stopped and went for trusty Goodnight Moon. She shrieked and squealed and [...]
At first, having a ybab is sort of like being a recovering alcoholic. There’s a lot of counting days involved. Then weeks. I realized I’ve stopped counting days and started counting in months. This is Good News. A ybab is 196 days old tomorrow. I figured that out, just now, with my pocket calculator. I’ve [...]
I was all worried about that, but then I realized there was a stray USA Today left under my kitchen table by a guest. Once I properly disposed of it, I could do long division again. The “holidays” bring us new findings, such as the report that I should be feeding a ybab sorbet because [...]
It’s almost “Christmas,” which we somehow celebrate even though we are not religious except for Festivus. On Christmas eve, we gather with the relations of Mr. H, and we exchange one gift per person under $25 based on names drawn out of a hat. There is frequently food I can’t eat, such as a platter [...]
This meme is going around like something you catch at the bus station: post the first sentence of each entry for the past twelve months. I’m also posting the subject lines because I am nothing without a support act. And away we go! 1. A day late and a dollar short: 2005 by the numbers [...]
Sorry it’s been so quiet around here. You’d think we’d gone and had a baby or something. But no, we’re recovering from colds and filing our hate mail related to our holiday card. A sample “deluted the tradition’s of Christ!!!! [sic, all of it]” SRSLY, you are no one until you are hated! I could [...]
I am shamed beyond belief because there is a tracking error in the inner message in our holiday card. It jumps out at me like a thumb in the eye, and I quake to think of others noticing. But what the hell do you expect when the card was designed in an online software system [...]
My mom is in town for three days. Already she has achieved a new hot single for the greatest hits by releasing my ybab from the carseat while the car was moving. I guess something something never had something and turned out fine? I don’t know. I couldn’t even quite get to the bottom of [...]
I tried some kombucha the other day (this link might prove illuminating), and it was as disgusting as I had hoped. And by disgusting, I mean I totally hate it, yet I can’t stop drinking it. It is like a vile tincture of feline urine infused with vinegar and carbonated. But I want to marry [...]
Paris Hilton did not appear to me in a dream, but I see that Nicole Richie was just popped for a DUI. Now for more in me, me, me! I am pondering an issue with my ethicist. It seems my diamonds are most likely made of little African children. No, really, I looked it up. [...]
