Take the No Wal-Mart Holiday Shopping Pledge. I know this will be easy for most of you, since there is no way in hell you shop there anyway. And I always like feeling effective while not changing my habits at all. That rules! Although the other day, I was at the bank, and I needed [...]
Oh, hey, I have a blog. I just can’t shake it. Like the bird flu. Like the parasite. Actually, I’m booking a vacation, or rather my assistant is. The parasite has no idea that I’m going to drown it off the coast of Tortola. What? Those things don’t breathe air? Now you tell me; I [...]
Yesterday the parasite and I took a voyage au train. The parasite has been hanging around making me ill for weeks, and now it has started speaking to me. Perfectly logical, I suppose. Stockholm Syndrome. It told me that this girl sitting in front of us looked like Soccah Stah Mia Hamm, wife of Nomah. [...]
Silver balls, silver balls. With bells on. I’m mixing my holiday anxiety and my work anxiety all together in my dreams. Today I woke up from one where a client had forced me to do some sort of brochure festooned with stock images of Christmas decorations, but she didn’t find them traditional enough, so I [...]
It’s November, Charlie Brown. Outside forces continue to vex, astound. Inside forces also unfavorable. We were supposed to do a final walk-through of our new place today, but someone at the mgmt company who misplace’s apostrophes decided to yank that football away. The unit is probably stacked clear to the ceiling with stray your’s and [...]
A letter from the Bureau of Foolish Decisions arrived to tell me to buy flood insurance. Apparently there is a 1% chance per year of encountering a Hundred Year Flood, based on the fact that the place is basically a fucking houseboat. I don’t get it, because it’s not a 100 year mortgage, so, duh, [...]
Crashing bores you say? I hear you, Morrissey! Right now I am using the power of my mind to make my most troublesome client explode. If you hear a hideous screech and a wet pop from Westchester County, you’ll know I’ve done it for the team. Why is it that the smallest jobs are always [...]
It’s Sunday, which is apparently a day for mealy apples and horrors with slab serifs. It is also the anniversary of my sister’s birthday! If you see her, smack her. Mr H is interviewing today, because work never stops in our home sweatshop. His subject is a man named Hung. A co-worker warmly endorsed Hung [...]
Goddammit, internets, I’ve picked up a parasite. I am not sure how I acquired it. Maybe at the bus station. Maybe at the Olive Garden. Of course my mother assumes it must be sexually transmitted, and honestly, she’s probably right. But at any rate, I toss and I turn, and the room pitches and yaws, [...]
Today I went to the store, and there I spied an unmannerly child running around licking all the apples. Imagine the odds of finding a child beyond parental control at the grocery store. ALEX, ALEX, DAMMIT! asked me where the carrots were, so I told him to go stand in the frozen foods cooler and [...]
