A letter from the Bureau of Foolish Decisions arrived to tell me to buy flood insurance. Apparently there is a 1% chance per year of encountering a Hundred Year Flood, based on the fact that the place is basically a fucking houseboat. I don’t get it, because it’s not a 100 year mortgage, so, duh, [...]
Crashing bores you say? I hear you, Morrissey! Right now I am using the power of my mind to make my most troublesome client explode. If you hear a hideous screech and a wet pop from Westchester County, you’ll know I’ve done it for the team. Why is it that the smallest jobs are always [...]
It’s Sunday, which is apparently a day for mealy apples and horrors with slab serifs. It is also the anniversary of my sister’s birthday! If you see her, smack her. Mr H is interviewing today, because work never stops in our home sweatshop. His subject is a man named Hung. A co-worker warmly endorsed Hung [...]
Goddammit, internets, I’ve picked up a parasite. I am not sure how I acquired it. Maybe at the bus station. Maybe at the Olive Garden. Of course my mother assumes it must be sexually transmitted, and honestly, she’s probably right. But at any rate, I toss and I turn, and the room pitches and yaws, [...]
Today I went to the store, and there I spied an unmannerly child running around licking all the apples. Imagine the odds of finding a child beyond parental control at the grocery store. ALEX, ALEX, DAMMIT! asked me where the carrots were, so I told him to go stand in the frozen foods cooler and [...]
Man, I have been chewing for about an hour, and I am still not finished with this bowl of cereal. Kashi Crunch is the Bataan death march of cereal eating. Is that a rock in there? I think it’s an igneous rock. Yesterday Mr. H and I put on hip waders and slogged upstream to [...]
Oh, why, yes it is! Up above my head. I hear music in the air. I’m going to chalk it up to demonic activity. When I serve decaf, the house spirits get so bent. What a vexing day. Faxes don’t send, and seeds get stuck in my teeth. Also, I am pretty sure I saw [...]
Things get away from some of us. Especially when we open our mouths to ask someone else to open the damn door. Share:
I went to Russian Dentist this morning. He is a rare delight beyond comprehension. He changed the poster on the ceiling above the chair to a print of Dali’s “Atmospheric Skull Sodomizing a Grand Piano.” So we listened to opera, and he half-heartedly tinked away at my teeth with a scaler, muttering that my teeth [...]
