Dear Vomitola:

Didn’t you swear you’d never post again? Why are you still here, annoying us all?

-Irritable Internets

Dear I.I.:

The ombudsman writes: The owner of this website is a filthy, pill-popping slattern. It is all we can do to see that she showers daily. Right now, she is in the corner playing with her toes. When she gets a notion to share, there is just no stopping her. We’ve tried.

-Ombudsman, Vomitola.com

Dear Vomitola:

have you really nothing better to do than write on the internet? Don’t you know people are dying? Also, is the Miele washer really worth the money?

-Holier than YOU

Dear HTY:

The ombudsman writes: The Miele washer looks nice in the stainless finish. There is also a button that one may press which will open the door. One may find this convenient. Also, it purports to handle Heavy Soil, which is a must around here. As far as the ombudsman can discern, no one has died because of this particular brand of washer.

-Ombudsman, Vomitola.com