Gah, internet, gah. I woke up with my head wrapped up in the covers, like mummy. I think I was secretly trying to smother myself. I don’t know what’s up with the universe these days. I am constantly spotting 11:11 on the clocks, and last time that happened, we spent our life savings. Who needs [...]
I ate a mildly fermented orange. Will this kill me? I directed a whore who is new in town to a place to get her acrylic nails repaired. I stocked up on a whole ton of birth control for the day it is declared illegal. The cat punctured my exercise ball. I shouldn’t have thrown [...]
I am writing this, but someone else is thinking it for me. At last, at last. Outsourcing thought is amazing. All it took was getting stuck in a thunderstorm. Safest place is in the car, my ass. I should have worn my jacuzzi suit. Ghost thinker is writing down a memo. No, ghost thinker is [...]
I’m hungry. Also, I just moisturized. The internet deserves to know. I probably should not post while hungry. I probably shouldn’t post at all. I have a pasta deficiency. And a cookie deficiency. I ran out. It’s like Darfur over here. What is the most offensive thing I can possibly say? I am not sure, [...]
At this point, the casual reader of Content Challenge is probably far more taxed than the writer. See, I can just say any old stupid thing, and it ostensibly counts. Maybe I am expressing myself. OK, I’m so not. Hazelnut beer is being consumed. I’m watching an old episode of America’s Next Top Model as [...]
Later I plan to be very drunk. Last night I shared a bed with a seven-year-old, a la Michael Jackson. Or not. But someone decided sleeping on the floor in a Disney Princess sleeping bag is scary, and our creepy old house is, well, creepy. Just because bats sometimes roost in the rafters, and the [...]
Cat post! The topical is sooooo…don’t make me say it…irrelevant. Coco is currently enjoying: Like Treats – Brewer’s Yeast & Garlic from Castor & Pollux Pet Works. I must also speak highly of their litter and Organix pet food. That’s right, worms, I order cat litter from the internet. She don’t like the cheap stuff. [...]
I am so in the wrong line of non-work. During a lull in my breakfast of cookies, I read an article entitled Unborn babies carry pollutants, study finds. I was intrigued! Do they carry them in adorable little gingham rucksacks or perhaps in their swim bladders? Do they swallow them in condom balloons and try [...]
Oh, bitches, please. It’s finally Wednesday, July 13th, 2005. Do I look older? No, really. You are lying. Don’t flatter me, toady. I can see it when I look in the mirror. Do you see these white hairs? Look, this tooth is hanging by a thread, and even a liberal coating of vaseline won’t help [...]
Still in the future here. Looking good, looking good. Cars don’t fly, but all the highways are underground now. Also, I live in Canada. Did I ever tell you that story about moving to Canada? It was way back in ought-seven, and I sneaked over the border after killing a trucker. I had to survive [...]
