Overheard, competition between two grandmothers. “Your pictures are AFTER UTERO, hers are better because they are IN UTERO.” So, Thanksgiving, as we do in my family. A lot of deep breathing, counting to one hundred, drinking, and stepping out into the bracing cold, usually to find another family member out there, cradling his or her [...]
Dear Kitty Winn, Someone made this photo-collage of me and sent it to my email account. Should I imagine that I have enemies? Or is it in good humor? Paranoid in Montana… Thanks, “Richard” (Note to the dear, gentle Reader- the photo-collage in question in question actually depicts a great, tumescent Schlong, so be warned [...]
Lambchop wishes you all a happy Thanksgiving. Blow your Horn of Plenty. -xo Share:
You’ve been scratching and clawing and squeaking like rats in a drainpipe, all of you desperate to see Lambchop’s new work! -xo Share:
Gone are the days of me eating cheese and sucking down tequila, falling into some paranoid dream with a full belly and my boots still on. Well, not OVER. Can’t I be gin-sodden and be FIT? Science is about to tell us this. Last night was my first appointment with Thunder, my personal trainer. It [...]
Herr Werkhausen has come to visit me from Berlin, his first trip to Amerika! Two things you can’t find in Berlin are sweet potato waffles and non-potato root-type objects. Fascinating! There is more Americana in store!!! Long, leafy walks, Thanksgiving dinner, & the Simpsons in English. But if someone really wants to feel like an [...]
So, not an hour after I am assured we can move into the new place on Monday, the human blowdryer at the real estate corral calls MY HUSBAND to say “um, you can’t after all.” I guess Verizon was right, the building is imaginary. It’s a good thing he decided to go over my head, [...]
Today is all about dread. Fear of the blinky red dot on my mail icon. Fear of the blinky red light on the phone. Fear of the clucking chicken ring on my cellphone, which means messages waiting. I guess it’s my own damn fault for picking that ring, I should switch back to the Bewitched [...]
Sadly, going to Target is not as high-spirited and monochromatic an experience as the TV ads would have one believe. There are no rockettes or dancing christmas trees, and Mark Mothersbaugh is not hovering up in the front office personally DJing over the PA system. I did not see Isaac Mizrahi either. I believe he [...]
