Dear Kitty Winn, The leader of my nation is poised to start some WWIII-type shit. I am scared and embarassed. I signed all the petitions, and I half-heartedly stood around with some protesters. I thought about emailing my senator, whoever that is. Now I’m sort of informed, having watched the president talk on tv and [...]
Starboy (me!) was asked to come out and DJ at the Subversiv, a punk dive bar, on saturday. Last time this meant an assault upon my person, but this time it went swimmingly. The party was lovely as an umbrella drink! That dress came with a fortune cookie, which i have just cracked open now, [...]
Dear Kitty Winn, I like to be most precise when insulting my co-workers, and I was wondering what is the salient difference between “incompetent” and “inept?” thanks a mill, -Wordy Winnifred Dear Winnifred, what kind of name is that? Are you a Cabbage Patch Kid? And what does Kitty look like, the g.d. OED? Kitty [...]
Steele’s favorite hobby might be bouncing the pectoral muscles of his well-oiled torso, but he is a man of culture, too. The other day we went to see the Malevich show at the Guggenheim. Which day? Wednesday, the free day! I was trying on dresses at the Chinese shop down the street. He does not [...]
Am I the only person that imagines, when i walk past a hair salon, that the stylists are turning their heads and wondering who my hair designer could be and are gagging to have a crack at my locks? I hoist my pixie nose in the air and march on by, as if to say [...]
Dear Kitty Winn, A bit of a sticky situation is plaguing me. I was in the locker room at the gym the other day and feeling a bit fresh and spring-like. As I reclined in the sauna, I allowed my towel to peek open a bit. When I opened my eyes again, I noticed that [...]
I cheered myself up last night swizzling champagne leftover from some party and listening to joy division. Depression, like doing your hair, is easier when you are a kid. When I was little, all it took during that bleak half hour on a sunday visit to my father while he still slept, to send me [...]
I have been so angry lately. Ready to put my fist through glass when people talk to me. Well, I can pick a cliché to excuse myself- It’s because I am Irish. It’s because I am a Scorpio. It’s because I am bipolar. It’s because of hormones. It’s because I am just like my mother, [...]
O Licketysplit! Steele may preside over my table (and so charmingly does he do his napkin folds- like seashells!) but I shall never forget you. After all, it was together that we pelted Culture Club concert goers with melted sweets to test the strength of the candies themselves. It was with you that I huddled [...]
Curse it all, but I have to contend with the return of Steele! I tremble equally with awe at his acquiline profile and with rage at how he wrests my friend’s attentions from me! Is there a scientific name for when girlfriends are unceremoniously swept aside in favor of fresh boy? Oh Lambchop, remember all [...]
